struggle and envy

she tells me:
I don’t know how you do it
after a few shots of heavy stuff
I don’t know how you handle it

well,
I don’t know how YOU do it
every day, no help or buffer
no aid in numbing the pain

to me
you are the stronger person
do not envy me

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being counted and proud

so I’m a living mass
relax
I’ve just chosen
my own rosery
down with the ground
without making sound
delved into depths
of a summer sunset
knowing my own role
runing my own show
not at six o’clock
when we get
our old news and we
tie our own shoes and we
know it’s all shame
playing fair games
until we win