The wandering lover’s final, lingering hope

look for her with self-imposed singularity
set yourself, like a ball on the tee
destined for impact
air, hover, and fall
the fall is disappointment
emptiness, doubt, and pain
avoid the fall
accept she’s gone

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What Went Wrong

couple-fighting

“This can’t be the end,” she said as her eyes filled with infant tears.
He didn’t know what to say to her and to those tears,
and so he simply said, “It has to end some way.”
“You’re a shit,” she said, and turned away.
He wasn’t sure exactly where they went wrong, and what happened.
Thinking then about what she said, she wasn’t sure what the world went wrong either.

when she says she loves me

he says he loves her
and I ask again about her website
it’s just a way to make money, he says
it’s nothing
she’s smart – a business woman
a genius
her own boss

he says they’re going to get married on a beach
and run barefoot into the surf afterward
she’s the only one for him, he says

I ask again if he is sure
considering… you know… her

he says he knows how it looks
everyone’s been asking him the same thing
telling him to be careful
to watch out
she’ll break your heart, they keep saying

he drives on for a while, not talking
watching the yellow line in the road ahead

he says, the only way I can explain it
is in the words of a song:

“if you could only see the way
she loves me
then maybe you would understand
why I feel this way about
our love and what I must do”

I knew the song
it was big in the nineties
I couldn’t remember the name of the band
I still can’t

I joined in and sang along with him
as he drove

“if you could only see how blue
her eyes can be when she says
when she says she loves me”

she didn’t break his heart, in the end
not really, anyway

another in a long line of failures

a man feels guilt
for his rage and words
which came as roars of infantile fury

a man sees himself not a man
and feels shame

a boy he is now
loose as dead leaves
which the breeze
plucks with lightest touch
to cast adrift

a boy hangs his head
kicking the sand at his toe
as though it will move the world
and undo the damage done

he looks to a girl
who is a woman
a goddess, queen and wolf-lord

she raged
of course, that’s what she does

a woman swells like a squall
to topple boats
and a boy became toppled so

he was not strong enough for her
he failed