is this really me?

I’m not used to muscles
still the skinny lank-jobbed boy
who was so awkward with people
skirting age thirty now
packing on pounds
pounding the gym
power lifts and power squats
a beefcake
still and little meek
a little boy at times
not at home in one’s own skin
feel like a poser, a fake
a wannabe, fraudulent
trying to be what I’ll never be
unbelieving, undeserving